PARENTING

Parenting is hard. It is different types of hard for different people and situations, but ultimately it’s hard in some form. If you’re a parent, you’ve likely felt it. That moment where a spilled glass of milk or a lost shoe feels less like a minor mishap and more like a personal affront. Or those days where you have a "to-do" list a mile long, but you find yourself staring at a wall, unable to decide which manky sock to pick up first.

For me, a tipping point was my third child. I’d navigated the baby years twice before in my 30s, but this time, the variables had shifted a bit: I was older, we’d just completed an international move, we had a dog now, and the little one flat-out refused to sleep anywhere but right next to me. I was stretched so thin it was ridiculous. I felt like I was constantly running up a huge sand dune and not getting anywhere.  Both my brain and the hours in the day felt like they were at max capacity, and I couldn't "logic" my way into more time or more energy.  It was at this point that I began searching for something to help, and decided to give solution-focused hypnotherapy a try.

My first few sessions I would question whether I could even spare the time for the hour it took.  My thoughts were constantly racing and trying to take care of everyone else’s schedule and needs while I was away (again, only for an hour!).  But within a couple of months I was operating from a calmer place, and what felt like slowing down actually helped me to complete more in a totally paradoxical way.  6 months later I even applied for, and started, a part time job - which I couldn’t have even envisioned I’d be able to fit into what I had thought was a maxed-out schedule.  It turns out that more so than real life, my own brain was the thing stretching me thin.

IT'S NOT ME, IT'S YOU TOO (probably)

This isn’t unique to me, you don't need to hit a "third child" breaking point for your brain to start operating in survival mode. Whether you are a first-time parent navigating the shock of the newborn phase, a single parent spinning every plate alone, or a parent of multiples, we all share the same neurological equipment.

We all have what we call a "Stress Bucket."

Every time we worry about a milestone or whether teeth are brushed, fret over school runs and screen time and what to make for dinner, navigate a tantrum, or miss another night of sleep, we are pouring "liquid" into that bucket. Usually, we empty that bucket at night through REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep—the part of sleep where our brain processes the day's emotions.

The problem is that parenting is a relentless "inflow" into that bucket, and provides far fewer opportunities for emptying it:

• The Sleep Deficit: Studies show that parents can lose a staggering 133 nights worth of sleep in a baby's first year. Without enough REM sleep, that stress bucket never truly empties.

• The Cognitive Load: A study from Arizona State University found that the "invisible labor" of parenting—the constant mental scanning and scheduling—is significantly linked to parental distress and lower life satisfaction.

• The Primitive Pivot: When the bucket overflows, your brain makes a protective switch. It moves away from the Intellectual Brain (the part of you that is calm, rational, and patient) and hands control to the Primitive Brain (the part that reacts with anger, anxiety, or depression).

IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S YOUR BRAIN

If you’ve ever scrolled through parenting life hacks or read a self-help book and thought, "I know what I should do, but I just can't do it," I want you to hear this: it is not a character flaw.

When your primitive brain is in charge because your bucket is full, you physically lose access to your intellectual tools. You are in survival mode. You can’t use a "calm parenting" tool if the part of your brain that processes "calm" has been temporarily unplugged.

WHAT SOLUTION FOCUSED HYPNOTHERAPY DOES

I sought out Solution Focused Hypnotherapy because I was tired of feeling like I was failing. What I discovered wasn't another "to-do" list. Instead, I found a way to:

1. Empty the Bucket: Using trance to mimic that essential REM process, even when my actual sleep was interrupted.

2. Calm the Alarm: Teaching my primitive brain that it didn't need to be in "crisis mode" 24/7.

3. Access the Intellectual Brain: Getting back to the version of myself that could actually use the wisdom and love I already had.

   
   

Parenting is the hardest job in the world, and that has nothing to do with how much you love your kids. If you feel like you’re operating from a place of "just getting through," please know that it’s often just a capacity issue. You don't need to change who you are; you just need to change which part of your brain is running the show.